What a pill.....

Yes, me...and I'm working on it. Truly I am.

I don't think there are many people who would categorize me as rebellious, but I do have a bit of a stubborn streak. Like most character traits, there are positive and negative ways to channel every aspect of our personalities.
One "pro" is that if I want to do something for someone, I will move heaven and earth to make it happen for them. There are few things in this life that make me happier than serving someone, especially if I know it will make some type of difference in their life. One of my dreams is to be able to do something really fabulous for someone anonymously. I've had some really wonderful acts of service done in my behalf and for my family and I want with all my heart to really make a difference for someone. In the meantime, I try to do those things that fall within my current realm....little things mostly, and I'm the first to admit that sometimes little things mean just as much as big things because I am very often the recipient of meaningful small things. Acts of kindness are life's simple pleasures and I thrive off of it. To be perfectly honest, I know I don't do enough which is probably why I fall into this other pitfall.

Sometimes I'm like the "Little girl who had a little curl"....when I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad....well...let's just say, my stubborn side can be quite negative.
I don't know exactly why this happens. My latest theory is that I take things for some time the way they are-- you know, try to be patient and all that. And then, one day, out of the blue, something will happen that quite simply pushes me over the edge. It can be anything, really. A rude or inconsiderate comment, an expectation not being met, someone telling me that I should or shouldn't do something.....and "wham!"...suddenly I dig in my heels.

This past week, someone "strongly suggested" that I make a few changes.....wrong thing to say when I'm feeling the way I'm currently feeling. What's funny is that these are things I already felt I should do, but "someone" said this at the wrong time and suddenly...
"I don' wanna..." ....So, I haven't.... Even though I know I should, and even though I know it could help me get out of this funk I'm stuck in. I know, what a stinker!

The good news is that I'm trying. One of the many things I've been meaning to do is start a "gratitude journal", but for some strange reason I've been struggling with the whole idea. I don't understand why, but I just don't do it. Instead, I'm starting small by finding one thing I love every single day. It's going to be my daily mantra for the next little while.

I'm hoping that it makes a difference in my life and in my home atmosphere, because I realize that my children often take their cues from me. And because I'm discovering more and more that the "parent curse" is real. You know the one: "I hope you have a kid just. like. you."
Gonna do my best to help these little pills of mine channel the "stubborn gene" so generously passed to them by yours truly.